Do I Have Complex Trauma? Signs You Might Be Living with It (Without Realizing)

Most people think trauma has to come from one big, catastrophic event, an accident, assault, or disaster. But for many of us, trauma isn’t always about what happened once, it’s what happened over and over.

You might not describe your experiences as “traumatic.” You might just say you’re stressed, anxious, or burned out all the time. But sometimes, that constant state of exhaustion and self-blame is your nervous system’s way of saying: I’ve been carrying too much for too long.

What Is Complex Trauma?

Complex trauma (sometimes called C-PTSD) happens when we experience chronic or repeated stress or harm, especially in relationships that were supposed to feel safe.

That might look like:

• Growing up in an unpredictable or critical environment

• Having to take care of others before you were ready

• Emotional neglect — not being seen, soothed, or supported

• Staying in relationships where you felt unsafe, dismissed, or unseen

• Living through ongoing stress where you had to stay in survival mode

Unlike a single traumatic event, complex trauma builds slowly. It teaches your brain and body that safety is conditional, that you have to stay alert, perform, or please in order to be okay.

Common Signs of Complex Trauma

Everyone experiences trauma differently, but here are some signs you might notice:

• Feeling constantly on edge or braced for something bad to happen

• Difficulty trusting others or letting your guard down

• Feeling guilty or ashamed, even when you’ve done nothing wrong

• Struggling to relax or feeling like you always have to be productive

• Losing touch with your emotions or your body (feeling “numb”)

• Strong inner critic or harsh self-talk

• Trouble regulating emotions, feeling “too much” or “not enough”

You might see yourself in a few of these, or all of them. Recognizing the pattern is an important step toward healing.

Why You Might Not Recognize It

People with complex trauma are often incredibly capable. You keep showing up, doing your best, and holding it all together because you’ve had to.

Helpers and caregivers in particular tend to minimize their pain. You might think, “Other people had it worse,” or “I should be over this by now.”

But your nervous system doesn’t measure trauma by how “bad” something looks from the outside, it measures it by how overwhelming and inescapable it felt at the time.

How Complex Trauma Shows Up in Everyday Life

Complex trauma doesn’t always look like flashbacks or nightmares.
It often hides in the subtle patterns you’ve learned to survive:

• Over-functioning: taking care of everyone else while ignoring your own needs

• Perfectionism: trying to earn safety or worth through doing things “right”

• People-pleasing: keeping the peace to avoid conflict or rejection

• Emotional numbing or dissociation: feeling disconnected from joy, rest, or your body

• Chronic tension, fatigue, or other physical symptoms

If you’ve spent years in survival mode, slowing down might even feel uncomfortable or unsafe. That doesn’t mean you’re broken, it means your body has learned to keep you alive in the only way it knew how.

Healing Complex Trauma

Healing from complex trauma isn’t about “fixing” yourself, it’s about helping your mind and body learn that safety, rest, and connection are possible again.

Therapy can help you:

• Understand your triggers and patterns with compassion, not judgment

• Reconnect with your body through mindfulness or somatic work

• Reprocess painful experiences safely (through EMDR or other trauma-informed approaches)

• Learn to set boundaries and trust yourself again

• Build relationships that feel secure and mutual

Healing takes time, but it does happen. And you don’t have to do it alone.

A Gentle Reminder

If any of this feels familiar, please know that what you’re feeling makes sense. Your reactions, coping patterns, and even your exhaustion are signs of a nervous system that’s been doing its best to protect you.

You deserve more than survival. You deserve to feel grounded, connected, and at ease in your own skin.

If you’d like a space to begin that process, I offer telehealth trauma therapy for adults in North Carolina and Utah.
You can learn more about my approach https://www.safehorizoncounseling.com/about or schedule a free 15-minute consult to see if we’d be a good fit.